a person no1 understands's Journal

i hate my life. absolutely no one likes me at school, cuz im "different" and my parents are a bunch of jackasses who dont care about me. i absolutley hate it. i know i have so many options (religion) and i take them all, but nothing seems to be working. i just dont know what to do anymore. i hate my life!! absolutely hate it!! by the time i go to bed im in tears. yeah, i know i have it off a lot better than most people in the world, but that doesn't mean i'm enjoying it. sure i have a lot of fancy stuff, but i dont want it! its useless if you dont have the right morale behind it. usually my parents get me stuff to shut me up. i cant wait till i get out of this hell hole. id gladly trade my world for one of those poeple in africa who really deserve this kind of life (the luxeries, not the people in it). i dont think its fair that i have this "luxurious" life while they're in kenya suffering. i'm not even grateful for my "wonderful" life. i am greatful for the stuff, but not for the people, id trade it all away if i could. if i could just get out of these walls. this prison cell. i hate it. i might as well kill myself, besides, im thinking of going goth, then my parents would kill me for me. ugh! just make all the pain and suffering go away in the world, then work on my problem! UGH!!! i dont know what to do anymore. my parents are making me do all this stuff i dont want to do and they dont care. typical. i wonder why im surprised. JUST MAKE IT GO AWAY!! i absolutely hate this! but i feel guilty feeling bad for myself because there are people way worse than i. AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! i want to just run away, just run away and keep running. i hate everyone in my life. i have no friends, no loving family, just a whole bunch of stuff i didnt even want. i wonder why im so upset. i guess its because i have no love in my life, just an endless closet with prep clothes, (NOT A PREP!!) toys for todlers that my parents wont let me give away to a family that actually deserves it, and all this other shit that i dont deserve or want. i just want it all to go away, the people, the things,this life, just for it all to suddenly dissapear. I WISH I COULD DRIVE!!! then i go far away from here. so very far away. *sigh* i hate my parents and the people at my school and every one around me. they never did anything for me, yet they expect me to do stuff for them like they were my best friends in the whole wide world. just make it go away. JUST MAKE IT ALL GO AWAY!!!! im sorry i droned on like this, i really shouldnt be feeling sorry for myself like this. its not worth anyones time, just like me.